Why I named my dog Timber.

[SnakeEyes]

In response to Dave McAwesome's January 31 column I just want to clear up all this confusion about my dog Timber. Mr. McAwesome begs the question how could my dog have a name if I am in fact a mute? Well I thought Mr. McAwesome was a responsible journalist and low and behold I wake up one morning to this sensationalism. Blast you damn it! Just because I can not talk doesn't mean I am different from all other dog owners in this world. The dog needed a name damn it.
I take Mr. McAwesome's comments as a direct insult to the vocally challenged community. So you might want to know how my dog's name came about. One day I asked DUKE to watch my dog while I was on leave. He asked me for a name and I had to think about it for a second. But the name Timber just popped into my head. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and DUKE spread the word, from that day forward my dog became known as Timber.
In addition what Mr. McAwesome failed to mention was the German Shepherd I owned years later. Unfortunately they canceled the show before we could figure out a name. Freakin' Hollywood.
To you Mr. McAwesome I say GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT! Do some research and some real reporting. And as my good friend "HANDI MAN" used to say "never ever underestimate the powers of the handicapped!"

[Dave McAwesome]

Suddenly Mr. I-can't-talk is all chatty on the internet, huh?

First off, "begging the question" is a logical error caused when you assume the very claim you are attempting to prove. It is not synonymous with "asking the question."

But I expect no better from a damn ninja mute.

A wolf/dog has its closest bond with its owner. You're a mute. Moreover, you hardly spent any time at the base. You were always off at your secret log cabin in the mountains (before cobra agents blasted it to splinters). So there's no way the wolf would respond to Timber. You just sat there. Like a mute--which is fine, I have my own handicap, namely idiocy, no we're all good.

Sorry, Snake, that wolf is nameless.

[SnakeEyes]

BLAST YOU McAwesome. Respect the dead. The dog had a name it was Timber! In death we all have a name, just watch the movie Fight Club and you'll understand.
Just so you know I was never really alone up in the mountains there were an assorted traffic of hookers and dishrag whores coming through my cabin. And they all wanted to pet the cute wolf/dog. Once agian the issue of a name came up. And again I obliged with Timber!
You certainly are an idiot which means your credibility is shot with your readers. How can you ignore the dog's name? If you were face to face with Timber would you call him "nameless"? No damn it dog needs a name! And one last thing Timber knew sign language. There you go I said it. I didn't want to because just the mention would be hard for an idiot like yourself to believe, but he was a brilliant dog. He was the best friend a mute nija could ever have. I don't expect you to ever understand something like that.
Anyway I have nothing left to prove to you. Let the fans speak. I know they will have my back.

[Duke]

I gotta weigh in here. That filthy mongrel made it down to the Pit several times. I'll say this: one thing we forgot to requisition from Uncle Sam was a pooper scooper. Gee, sorry Snake Eyes, it's not like we're busy fightin Cobra and saving the world.

No one would pet that thing. It wouldn't let us. Just growl and bite. If it had a name at all, it was Bitey. "Hey, new guy, stay away from Bitey," we would say to the new recruits.

Over and out.

[Hawk]

Could I chime in for a second?

[Duke]

No.

[SnakeEyes]

Duke why? All I ever wanted was your approval. I showed you all this loyalty all these years and now this is how you repay me. Well screw you Duke! You want war! I'll give you war! Me and you one time, I'll show you what really stinks. Fight me or else your yella!

[fattymcbutterpants]

is timber a boy or a girl dog? if its a girl dog thats pretty cute, if its a boy all the other dogs are laughing behind his hairy ass!!!

[SnakeEyes]

I'm not even gonna go there you Fairy!

[vash2]

because its so stupid it falls over

[xstoryofsundayx]

hoo the hell is timber? im really confused

[CrisItalia]

It's Snake Eyes' dog you moron.