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Post by FrankiePitt on Feb 28, 2005 1:44:31 GMT -5
This is about the show, y'all...not the movies ('cause I really don't give a toss about 'em).
What were ABC and/or the producers thinking when they hired Chris Rock?
Rock is foul-mouthed, irreverant, and (I think) frackin' hilarious...but there's no way that would fly on network TV--especially in this day and age. It was impossible for him to BE Chris Rock. The result? A frighteningly subdued Rock, doing the best he could within the parameters provided. He was out of his element, and I don't fault him in the least. Next year, the network should do everybody a favor and hire John Stewart.
As for Sean Penn...man...every party has a pooper. Rock's jabs at Jude Law (something to the effect of "Who is this guy and why is he in every movie I've seen for the last four years?") during the opening monologue were meant in jest. Hell, he even took a stab at himself toward the end of it. Two hours later, along comes Sean Penn...feeling the need to use up the show's time (and my time) by "responding" to Rock's little roast. What a turd. The fact that Penn heard the remark, sat there brooding over it for hours, and then took the time to retort just shows what a humorless dullard he is. To think that this guy played Jeff Spicoli...jeez.
The "police lineup" of nominees was a sad and unfortunate thing...but at least they got to stand on the stage for a moment. My heart went out to the winners whose statues were delivered to them in aisles. Tacky.
As for the Best Song catagory...can it be that in the wide world of the recording community, they couldn't find another performer--or even a dang Muppet--to sing two of Beyonce's three songs? Then there's the spectacle that was Antonio Bandaras. Oh sweet Jesus. When he took the stage, I felt like I was watching Jerry Lewis's telethon at 3:00 in the morning. That act could only work if sandwiched between a Carrot Top monologue and a performance by Charro.
Beyond that...
-Who is buying Yo-Yo Ma's CDs? The guy is...ah...not so good.
-Why was Sandra Dee left out of the "Roll Call of the Dead"? She was effing Gidget, people of the Academy. Respect.
-One of the best things about Oscar's Past were the quick shots to various celebrities in the audience. Who was sitting next to whom? Who was wearing what? Who's picking her nose? This year, we kept cutting back to the same five people, over and over and over. After seeing Spike Lee, Dustin Hoffman and Johnny Depp 12 times apiece, I started to think everybody else got stuck in the cheap seats...or maybe they just never made it inside.
-Shut up Tim Robbins.
-Go away Oprah.
That is all,
-Frank
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Post by Dave McAwesome on Feb 28, 2005 9:23:05 GMT -5
Wow, looks like I missed some fun. They gave the Oscars to the winners in the aisle? They didn't get to go onstage? What about the mind-numbing speeches? You can't have an Oscar night without mind-numbing speeches.
I watched Shaun of the Dead instead. I stand by my decision.
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Post by FrankiePitt on Feb 28, 2005 13:42:27 GMT -5
Yep. In several catagories, the nominees were seated on the aisle, one behind the other. A celebrity presenter (Jeremy Irons, for one...and that bland chick who played the fairy-witch in Lord of the Rings, for another) would go out amongst them, read off their names, and announce the winner. The winner would then stand, step out into the aisle, and accept their statue. These people fracking dreamed about this night for years, if not their entire lives, and they never got to set foot on stage. It was an offense.
There were several mind-numbing speeches made--and not all of 'em were acceptance speeches. Many presenters would go on about The Glory of Film (or whatever) to the point where, three sentences in, it was impossible to decipher what the hell they were talking about anymore. And that wasn't improv--that was courtesy of the show's writers.
Sidney Lumet was given the Lifetime Achievement Award, and between his clips and endless acceptance speech, I could have built a life-sized Lego Statue of Liberty. When George Romero gets recognized, I'll give a damn.
The Roll Call of the Dead was enjoyable, as always. It's great fun listening to who gets applause. And Chris Rock did a neat "man in the street" bit where he interviewed people at a multiplex, asking them about the nominees. Most of the people hadn't seen or heard of any of the films, and I SO felt them. Before last night, I didn't know "Vera Drake" or "Being Julia" existed, and wouldn't see "Million Dollar Baby" or "Finding Neverland" (Johnny Depp, will you please go home?) if somebody bribed me.
-Frank
(Who had no choice but to watch the Oscars and wasn't even allowed to fast-forward through the boring parts)
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Post by Dave McAwesome on Feb 28, 2005 16:33:38 GMT -5
That sounds about as entertaining as watching a third grade teacher hand out gold stars. Not very Oscarly.
I'm going to have to ask you to detail the Chris Rock, Jude Law, Sean Penn exchange because I refuse to watch "Entertainment Tonight" to find out.
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Post by CrisItalia on Feb 28, 2005 17:48:49 GMT -5
It was horrible. It was like Hollywood's elite was just slapping these poor saps in the face. Like ur not good enough to come up on stage or come up after winning. At one point the amazingly hot Scarlett Johansson even presented an Oscar from a balcony. But in defense of Chris Rock he absolutely kept it REAL. After one of these aisle presentations Rock gets on the Mike and says "Maybe next year we'll hand awards out in the parking lot."
About Shawn Penn ... I respect the guy as an actor. 21 Grams was a great film and he had much to do with making it what it was. Through the years his performances in movies like Colors and Bad Boys have convinced me this guy has acting chops. At the same time I've also realized that this guy is a total TOOL. He makes outlandish comments as if people actually give a crap about what he has to say.
I'll say this about Penn... he banged Madonna. One of the best Hollywood stories I've ever heard is during one of their crazy sexual escapades, Penn tied up Madonna and left her tied up for days. Coming in only to feed her and bang her. Not bad for a TOOL.
Frank I don't know what you expect from the Oscars but if you are one of those married guys or are in a serious relationship and are forced to watch the entrie night I've heard the following works. At some point during the show try to pull a woody and make sure ur "better half" takes notice. Next you say "What are we going to do about this?" While tilting your head toward your crouch. A few things may occur.
1)If ur chick is totally cool she'll give you a hummer right then and there. (Some girls may feel obligated because you've sat through a portion of this boring show.)
2)She will tell you that you can "take care of it yourself" at which point you leave the room and take as much time as you want coming back. Trust me she won't even care that you are gone. If they do care, what winds up happening is she'll come to you during a commericial and give you a hand.
3)She tells you "Ewwww thats gross leave me alone." At which point you excuse yourself for the night and wander into another room happily ending what could have been three hours of torture.
4) She gives you a handy while watching TV thinking of doing the act to one of the many better looking actors.
Just a couple of tips fellas. Something to think about next time you're watching a god awful award show.
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Post by FrankiePitt on Mar 1, 2005 3:28:19 GMT -5
First up, I have no idea who Scarlett Johansson is (and I'm too lazy to check the IMDB), but I do remember seeing some pasty chick presenting an award from the balcony. To that, I'll say this: having to present an award from the the fudgeing balcony is beyond retarded. She should have pitched it over the rail and then let people grab for it like rabid dogs (or like those guys who fight over stray balls at baseball games). THAT's entertainment.
And now, a recap of the Rock/Penn incident for Dave:
Scene 1: Opening monologue. Chris Rock says, regarding Jude Law, something like, "Who is this guy and why is he in every movie I've seen for the last four years?" This sort of lead into a mini rant about "getting a real star" to be in your movie/event. It was funny (because, to quote Homer Simpson, it's true), and also, it's worth noting that Rock threw in a bit of self-deprecation at the end, wondering why the hell they picked him to host this show instead of waiting for a more-qualified somebody else (I forget whose name he mentioned).
Scene 2. Two hours later. Sean Penn, looking like he has a large broomstick stuck up his ass, strides onstage to present an award for Most Pretentious Flim or whatever--but the first thing out of his mouth is a sour "rebuttle," directed at Chris Rock. The gist was: "Jude Law is one of our finest actors today, and for every working actor there are hundreds of struggling actors and acting is A Craft and I have no sense of humor and oops, I think I crapped my pants because I'm an old, miserable man with no friends an a misplaced perception of my importance in this world."
The basic lesson here is that one can't take a joke if one IS a joke. Shut up, Sean Penn. Nobody cares.
Last up, to Cris's "Get Out of the Oscars Free" plan, all I can say is...you straight boys sure do have interesting relationship dynamics.
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Post by CrisItalia on Mar 1, 2005 19:28:40 GMT -5
My plan is universal. It works for Hetero, Homo and Metro sexuals.
By the way did you happen to catch the finger Tim Robbins flashed Chris Rock ?? AP's got the picture.
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Post by Dave McAwesome on Mar 2, 2005 10:40:45 GMT -5
I refuse to admit the term 'metrosexual' into the english language until someone can provide me with a satisfactory definition.
There's hetero, homo and bi. Trans has use. too. But I've yet to see a working definition of metro.
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Post by CrisItalia on Mar 6, 2005 12:17:38 GMT -5
Metro is the guy that enjoys both but won't fully committ to being gay or bi, but admits to enjoying the company of a man.
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Post by Dave McAwesome on Mar 6, 2005 16:30:37 GMT -5
See, that's what I'm talking about. That's bi (or at least bi-curious). That still doesn't give me any reason for using the word "metrosexual."
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Post by CrisItalia on Mar 6, 2005 22:18:04 GMT -5
Ask the gay guy.
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Duke
Happy Camper
Duke
Posts: 32
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Post by Duke on Mar 8, 2005 17:16:59 GMT -5
I think Snake-Eyes is metrosexual.
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Post by SnakeEyes on Mar 8, 2005 18:22:22 GMT -5
Only with you pretty boy.
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Duke
Happy Camper
Duke
Posts: 32
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Post by Duke on Mar 8, 2005 19:21:21 GMT -5
good god, how does Scarlett put up with you?
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Post by StormShadow on Mar 8, 2005 19:24:52 GMT -5
Once again, Storm Shadow must cut through the chaff to the heart of the matter.
From Wikipedia: Metrosexual, a portmanteau combining "metropolitan" and "sexual", was first used in 1994 by British journalist Mark Simpson, who coined metrosexual (and its noun, metrosexuality) to refer to an urban male of any sexual orientation who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. He is the fashion-conscious target audience of men's magazines
In other words, a metrosexual is a total freakin tool.
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